


Bark Tower (The Can I Pet Your Dog? Remix)

by heyjupiter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dogs, M/M, Post-Avengers (2012), Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-10 09:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15946742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyjupiter/pseuds/heyjupiter
Summary: Bruce's life is better than he ever dreamed it could be: he has a great job and a great boyfriend. Now, if only he could convince Tony to adopt a dog or two, his life would be truly perfect.





	Bark Tower (The Can I Pet Your Dog? Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [volunteerfd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/volunteerfd/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Bark Tower](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15189119) by [volunteerfd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/volunteerfd/pseuds/volunteerfd). 
  * In response to a prompt by [volunteerfd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/volunteerfd/pseuds/volunteerfd) in the [remixrevivalmadness2018](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/remixrevivalmadness2018) collection. 



> This is a remix of the adorable [Bark Tower](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15189119).
> 
> Thanks so much to flytling for beta reading!

Bruce still felt vaguely shell-shocked when he walked back into the workshop he'd been sharing with Tony for the last few months.

"Hey, big guy, did everything go okay with the bank?" Tony asked. 

As soon as SHIELD had acquired some valid identification for Bruce, Tony had insisted that Bruce get set up as an official employee of Stark Industries. Bruce was obviously happy to work with Tony, but he hadn't really understood the rush to get him officially on the payroll, and he _really_ didn't understand the figure he saw in his new bank account. 

"I mean, yeah, it went fine, but...you're paying me way too much."

Tony laughed. "At Stark Industries, we pay our employees what they're worth."

Bruce shook his head in disbelief. Working with Tony rarely even felt like _work_ , let alone work that merited this kind of money.

"Seriously, welcome to the corporate sector, Banner. I know academics make like twelve cents per credit hour, and third world hobo doctors make a can of beans per week or whatever, but now you've sold out to the clean energy industry."

"Tony, I don't need this much money. I don't _want_ it."

"So give it away, then. You're earning it, and you can do whatever you want with it. But you _are_ doing work here, and SI is pretty firmly opposed to slave labor. We don’t even have unpaid internships.”

"Okay, fine. Thank you," Bruce said, which didn't seem quite like an adequate response, but he didn't know what else to say. He’d learned to pick his battles with Tony, and this one didn’t seem worth fighting at the moment.

Tony smiled and said suggestively, "You know, your position also comes with a competitive benefits package." He stood up from his workstation and put his arms around Bruce's waist, grabbing his ass.

"Hey, this is workplace sexual harassment. Who do I speak to about this?"

"Oh, hmm, let me see who your HR rep is...oh, you know what, it's me. And I take your complaints _very_ seriously. Let me know how I can make it up to you." 

Bruce laughed and put his arms around Tony's neck. "Oh, I'm sure we can come up with some kind of mutually satisfactory resolution." 

He still couldn't believe that answering SHIELD's call for help to locate the Tesseract had somehow led him out of India and into a situation where his biggest problems in life were figuring out what to do with all the money he had and figuring out where in his workplace he could most comfortably have sex with his boyfriend.

* * *

The next day, Tony said, "You know, when I told you you could give away your money, I didn't expect you to take me quite so literally."

Bruce, who had suggested that they should go for a walk to get some fresh air, had just quietly slipped a lot of cash into a homeless girl's cup. He shrugged. "You said I could do whatever I wanted with it."

"Well, of course you can. It's yours. But do you want to set up a charitable organization or something like that? That might be a more effective form of giving."

"She had a dog."

"Okay?"

"Hardly any homeless shelters let you have pets, and hardly any food banks have pet food."

"Huh," Tony said thoughtfully. "Well, look, if you want to set up some pet-friendly homeless shelters, I can definitely connect you with people at the Stark Foundation. I happen to have an in there, you know.”

"Uh, yeah, maybe." They paused at an intersection, waiting for a walk sign. "Excuse me, can I please pet your dog?" he asked a woman with a beagle.

"Of course! He's very friendly." Bruce bent down and pet the dog, who wagged his tail wildly.

"What's his name?"

"Sirius."

"Hi, Sirius," Bruce cooed, scratching behind the dog's floppy ears. In response, Sirius licked his hand.

Tony nudged him. "Hey, we can walk."

"Oh, yeah." As Tony guided Bruce into the crosswalk, Bruce turned back and called, "Thanks!" to Sirius's owner. If she had noticed that Bruce was accompanied by Tony Stark, she was playing it cool. Unlike Sirius, who was clearly ecstatic to meet anyone.

"He _licked_ you," Tony said with obvious distaste.

"Dogs' mouths are cleaner than human mouths."

"That doesn't sound right."

"Cleaner than your mouth for sure, yours is filthy."

"Well, you might have a point there, although I haven't heard you complain about it thus far."

"I think I did actually mention it to my HR rep."

"Oh, well, between you and me, that guy's kind of a flake."

"Does that mean he won't notice if I bring a dog to work?"

Tony shook his head. "I have to say, I never would have pegged you as such a dog person."

"What? What's not to like about dogs?"

"They're so...ugh, they lick you, and jump on you, and they have that smell, and you have to clean up after them…" Tony trailed off, a comical look of disgust on his face.

"Wow. Okay. So you're a cat person?"

"More of a robot person."

Bruce laughed. "Well, I guess that checks out. You never had a pet growing up?"

"Ah, no, a pet really wouldn't have flown in the Stark household, for a number of reasons. What about you?"

"Um, no, I didn't as a kid, but my neighbors had a dog that I'd play with any chance I got, and I'd always dog-sit when they went on vacation. And then when I was, um, traveling, I’d end up--at least temporarily--adopting a stray or two until I had to move on. They were always good company." He didn't miss much about his years on the run, but he did miss his street dogs. He hoped they were doing okay, and forced himself not to think about the fact that they probably weren't.

Tony put his arm around Bruce's shoulders and said, "Aw, now that you mention it, I guess I do get the appeal of adopting strays."

"Oh yeah? So it's okay if _I_ lick you and jump on you?"

"Mm-hmm, in fact, I encourage it. After you've washed the dog spit off your hands."

* * *

Bruce still thought Tony's suggestion of starting his own charitable foundation was a little over the top, but since he’d become an official SI employee, he’d begun to donate a little of his time and a lot of his money to various existing organizations around the city. Bruce loved volunteering at the animal shelter. He loved how excited the dogs always were to see him, and how much joy they got from their walks together. He didn't mind cleaning up after them or giving them baths or any of the tasks some volunteers tried to avoid. 

The only thing he didn't like was leaving all the animals behind when he went home to Stark Tower. He knew he shouldn't complain. His life in New York was better than he could have ever dared to imagine. It wasn't as though he were coming home to an empty house, as he would have done for so many years if it weren't for his collection of semi-stray animals. But as grateful as he was for the company of Tony and the rest of the team, he really missed having a dog of his own.

Bruce had tried a few times to get Tony to come visit the shelter with him, but Tony had flatly refused. He was completely unmoved by the adorable photos Bruce showed him. Bruce was a little surprised by Tony's utter resistance to the idea; Tony was usually so generous with Bruce. Of course, Bruce knew that Tony hadn't grown up with animals, and he knew Tony was a _bit_ of a germaphobe. 

But he also _knew_ in his heart that Tony would love a dog if he just had the chance to get to know one. Tony was so physically affectionate, he’d surely love a cuddly lapdog. Dogs were so good at helping humans with anxiety, and one might be able to help Tony with his panic attacks. Plus, unlike a lot of New Yorkers, they definitely had _plenty_ of room for a dog; if Tony really hated the dog, Stark Tower was big enough that the dog could have his own floor that Tony could avoid.

And the dog would love Tony, of course. Dogs loved everyone, even human disasters like Bruce. 

After months of quietly pining for a dog of his own, Bruce finally decided to move beyond the hints he'd been dropping. Bruce let Tony drag him to one of the fundraiser galas that he usually tried to skip, and he watched as Tony took drink after drink from the open bar. Then, when he'd decided Tony was at the ideal level of intoxication--enthusiastic, but not manic--Bruce escorted him home.

Then, lying in bed together, he said quietly, "Hey, so I was thinking about getting a dog."

"Yes! Great idea! You should get a dog. You love dogs. Get two dogs! They'll be best friends!"

Bruce smiled. "Okay, that sounds good."

"Get twelve dogs!" 

"No, that's probably too many."

"You're right, Bruce, you're so smart.”

"Mm-hmm," Bruce agreed, hoping Tony would still think so the next day.

First thing the next morning, Bruce went to the animal shelter and filled out the paperwork to adopt two of his favorite "hard to home" dogs. They'd been dropped off separately on the same day, and Bruce had been the one who named them both: Archimedes and Diogenes. He sometimes called Archimedes "Archie"; Diogenes was a little harder to nickname ("Gennie" hadn't quite stuck), but he was a big dog who deserved a big name. They were an adorably mismatched pair who had bonded to each other during their long stay at the shelter, and Bruce would have hated to separate them.

Juana, the shelter's director, was delighted to approve Bruce's adoption request. "Oh, Bruce, I'm so happy you're finally getting a couple of your own little furbabies. Or, um, big furbabies, as the case may be."

"Me too," Bruce said. He couldn't contain his joy as he walked his two dogs home. At every corner, someone stopped and asked if they could pet his dogs, and each time he was thrilled to tell them yes. 

When he got off the elevator in Stark Tower, he was momentarily thrown to see the rest of the Avengers gathered in the common room. He’d expected to be able to introduce the dogs to Tony first, and give him a chance to warm up to them before the rest of the team met them.

"Dogs!" Steve said.

"Yes!" Bruce replied.

Steve blinked and looked around the table. "Sorry, I just...dogs! I forgot where we were?"

Nat said, "We'd just formally moved to start our meeting without Bruce because nobody knew where he was."

"Ooh, right, we were meeting today...sorry." Bruce transferred the dogs' leashes to his left hand and pulled his phone out of his pocket; sure enough, it was full of messages inquiring about his whereabouts. He felt bad for forgetting, but he usually felt superfluous at Avengers team meetings anyway. After all, it was his alter ego who was really the Avenger, and it wasn't like the Other Guy was ever going to read the meeting minutes.

Tony, who still looked slightly hungover from the night before, said, "Are you...dog-sitting now? Like...are you not being paid enough, so you got a side hustle? Because there are other steps you could have taken here."

"No, I'm not dog-sitting. I adopted them!"

“And you didn’t think we should talk about that decision together?”

"We did talk about it. You said I could. You said it was a great idea."

"I did...not…" Tony trailed off and squinted. "Did I?"

"Last night, we talked about it. After the thing.”

JARVIS said, "Yes, Master Stark, you did. You actually told Dr. Banner he should get twelve dogs."

Bruce smiled. Tony frowned. Steve said, "Bruce, can I please pet your dogs?"

"Of course!" Bruce unclipped their leashes.

Steve practically flung himself on the floor in his excitement. Diogenes, the bigger of the two dogs, flung himself right back at Steve, and the two happily rolled around on the floor together.

“You got two dogs?” Tony asked. He stood up from the table and stepped back, giving Steve and Diogenes a wide berth.

"That's Diogenes," Bruce said. "And this little guy is Archimedes!"

"You got two nerd dogs," Tony said. He still seemed to be processing this information.

Bruce picked up Archimedes and held him up to Tony. Archimedes was the smaller and objectively cuter of the two dogs. Both dogs were disabled mutts, but Archimedes looked to be mostly Pomeranian, small and fluffy, while Diogenes was maybe a mastiff mixed with a moose. 

"Two differently abled nerd dogs," Tony added, after taking a closer look.

“They needed a place to live. They’d been at the shelter too long, and...you know, most people are looking for puppies. Four-legged puppies. But I knew we could give them a great home here.”

"When I said you should look into founding a shelter, I...didn't mean _here_ ," Tony said. 

“These are exactly the kind of dogs I would have imagined you’d pick out, Bruce,” Natasha said. Bruce couldn’t tell if that was a compliment or not, so he just nodded. Nat seemed more like a cat person, anyway.

To Tony, Bruce held out Archimedes and said, "Here, pet him! He's so soft."

Reluctantly, Tony stretched out a hand. He patted Archimedes once and retracted his hand quickly, like a child who'd been dared to touch a slug. "He is that, I guess. What happened to his front legs?"

"Car accident. But he's a survivor! And Diogenes was just born with three legs. But I figured we could 3D print some prosthetics."

Bruce fought a smile when he saw the glint of inspiration flash in Tony's eyes. He knew Tony couldn't resist a project. Tony sized up Archie's stumps and said, "Yeah, we could probably do that pretty easily…"

"Hey, Bruce, I can walk your dogs, whenever you're busy," Steve said. Diogenes licked his face. "Do they need to be walked right now? I think we can adjourn the meeting."

"Thanks, Steve. I really appreciate it. They're fine right now, though. And I’m sure that someone from the animal shelter can dog-sit, if we’re all...called away on business.”

Tony crossed his arms. "Well, they can't sleep with us, Bruce, it's not hygenic. And I don't think there's even room for the big one."

Bruce nodded. "Sure, Tony, that's reasonable,” he said. “I'll pick up a couple of dog beds this afternoon."

"...Fine."

Bruce beamed. "Oh, Tony, I just knew you'd love these dogs, if you gave them a chance."

"Well, let's not get carried away here."

"You haven't said they have to go back to the shelter," Bruce said.

Tony huffed. Bruce gently put Archimedes down on the floor, where he hopped over to lick Clint’s outstretched hand. 

Bruce put his arm around Tony and said, softly, "Besides, I know how much you like taking in strays."

Tony sighed and murmured, " _Human_ strays, Bruce. I like taking in human strays." But his tone was fond, and Bruce knew he'd won.


End file.
